


in the icy silence of the tomb

by cesellia



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: (minorly but still), Implied Romantical Interest, M/M, Reflection On Past Relationships, Sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23786230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cesellia/pseuds/cesellia
Summary: There were things he wanted and things he needed, and he did not know where this one lied.
Relationships: Murata Ugetsu/Satou Mafuyu
Comments: 5
Kudos: 30





	in the icy silence of the tomb

Ugetsu hated the winter months. Loud, obnoxious celebrations with fireworks pouring into three in the morning; waking each day to bones aching and locking into place; the cold seeping into his skin at night and him twisting and turning in bed trying to find the person sleeping next to him to keep himself warm, but there was never a person laying there.

(And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He'd cut contact with most of his sex friends after he last spoke to Akihiko because he kept seeing _his_ face, and the sight of him made his lungs twist and reshape into something unknown and painful.)

(He seldom being touched now, backing away from professors who approached him to give praise for his excellent work. _Are you feeling well?_ Yes, sorry. I just didn't get enough sleep last night.)

The hallways of the college were barren—the ceiling lights were half on; papers from professors expressing their joys for the holidays littering the floor; posters on the walls reading ‘ _Remember! Have your lockers and dorms cleaned out before you check out for the break!_ ’ and ‘ _Please turn in your dorm room keys no later than December 13th!_ ’.

The college Ugetsu attended closed early for winter and opened later than other schools. For a couple of years in a row, the school had failed to replace their heating system with a more stable and reassuring one for money reasons. And because of this, the classrooms and dorms were too cold for the students during the season.

Not that it truly affected Ugetsu in any detrimental way, he had never lived in the dorms and the places he did stay were always devoid of heaters or anything to keep him from getting sick during the harshest temperatures. He had grown so used to the cold and the trembling that the first time he invited someone over who wasn't Akihiko, they complained relentlessly about the temperature.

But now he had a new apartment and a heater, a heater that he only used when guests are present.

(Candidly, he didn't have many guests. It was Mafuyu mainly, and, despite his name, he had trouble with even the faintest of colder temperatures. And as he came to visit more and more, it became obvious that he had to make _some_ changes in order to make sure his guest was comfortable.)

It was already snowing when he walked outside into the courtyard, a thin layer blanketing over the grass and a sky that grew darker and darker as clouds rolled in. Only a few students still lingered—a boy leaning over his motorcycle while trying to give a girl a ride home; two students sitting on the edge of the frozen water fountain, sharing their interests in a book; a couple playing in the snow in the field.

Finding a bus that wasn't packed to the brim was almost impossible, and it took him nearly fifteen minutes to find one with an available seat on board.

After sitting his bag in the empty spot next to him, Ugetsu leaned his head against the window, cold in a degree that made him immediately regret that action, but his body was overcome by too much exhaustion for him to bother pulling himself up, and he watched outside his window as neon store signs blurred and mixed together.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when the passenger behind him tapped him on the shoulder to tell him his phone was ringing. Without bothering to check the caller ID, he swiped the phone on and muttered into it, “Hello?”

“Tsuki's sick,” he focused on the voice until he recognised it to be Mafuyu talking, “She's been vomiting the past two hours. Could you pick up medicine for her on your way home?”

“Of course,” Ugetsu rubbed his eyes, “I put a blanket in the dryer before I left, give that to her, would you? She feels safer in that.”

Tsuki was his cat—a fluffy, black one that he had bought after one of his last sex friends told him that his apartment seemed dead and lonely with just him living in it.

_Well then, what do you suppose I do?_ Ugetsu had snapped at them, washing dishes as to not have to meet their heavy, judging eye contact.

_Fuck if I know_ they retorted, placing a cigarette between their lips _More lighting, maybe some posters on the walls. Hell, maybe you should get an animal to take care of since you clearly can't take care of another human._

They ended up fighting after that, Ugetsu coming out of it with a piece of glass lodged in his arm and a broken rib. His friend came out unscathed, which came as no surprise to him—he was weaker and fighting had become significantly harder for him after his last contact with Akihiko.

But they hadn't been wrong. His apartment _was_ incredibly sad—walls barren; a few mild coloured tables with nothing but old newspapers and canned food on them; an old television that came with the place that hadn't been touched since he arrived. He was a miserable person and that reflected off the state of his place.

Mafuyu hummed in response, and he said his goodbyes then hanging up on him before he could say the same back.

The bus came to a holt at his stop, a street only a block away from both a supermarket and his apartment. He stepped out on to the snowy sidewalk, the cold unflattering once it hit him, sending his head to spin and body to tremble.

The falling snow became thicker and the clouds darker, and it was increasingly hard to see what was in front of him, and he took comfort in finally seeing the green neon letters of the store across the desolate street.

Inside, he was met with a comforting warmth that eased his tensed muscles and he wiped the snow off of him before searching for the pharmacy—a corner of the store where it was uncomfortably warm and the yellow lights appeared darker than the rest.

He grabbed a box labelled cat medicine, then picked up a bottle of painkillers and sleeping pills for himself—it was going to be a rough night and he didn't want to be met with the possibility of not having either of those things.

At the register, he bought the brand of chocolate he knew Mafuyu adored and a package of mint gum for himself.

“May I offer you some limited time only chocolates for that special someone in your life?” the cashier—a poorly dyed blond-haired boy—asked, “They come in seven different flavours: milk, dark, white, strawberry—”

“No, thank you,” Ugetsu interrupted, fishing out a few stray yen out of his pocket and placing it on the counter, “Keep the change.”

He grabbed his belongings from the cashier and trudged his way to the other side of the street where his apartment was—a five-story building with a small bakery area on the first floor.

(He had never bought anything there or have even stepped foot in, but on the regular occasions that Mafuyu came to visit, he always bought a croissant and coffee for him in the event Ugetsu had forgotten to eat, which had been happening more frequently those past few months.)

The stairs creaked underneath him as he walked up to the fifth floor, half of the hallway lights broken and flickering—he had sent in a complaint a month ago to the owners, and they have yet to even acknowledge the problem since then.

Finding his door unlocked, Ugetsu walked inside to the sitting area where Mafuyu was, curled up half asleep in the recliner, Tsuki laying in his lap.

“You're home,” Mafuyu mumbled when Ugetsu placed the plastic bag on the coffee table, running his fingers through the cat's fur, “She's been waiting for you all day.”

“Hm? You missed me?” Ugetsu whispered to Tsuki as he knelt down in front of the seat, taking a pill out of the box and pressing it into her mouth, “I bought you that chocolate you like,” he continued speaking after the cat swallowed the medicine, “As thanks for staying here and taking care of Tsuki.”

Mafuyu's eyes widened and sparkled like the ocean at sunset, “Murata,” he began, standing now that the cat had jumped off, “Thank you.”

“It's nothing,” Ugetsu said, walking towards the window to look down at the street below, “You can stay here for the night if you'd like. The bus lines may have already closed because of the storm.”

Mafuyu hummed, finding himself standing beside the other man and looking out at the sky, “It's already so dark...,” he turned to face Ugetsu, “Will the power go out?”

“The landowners have a generator in the basement, so no,” Ugetsu answered, shutting the blinds before continuing, “Then again, the owners are old, and they probably haven't checked to see if it still works since the nineties,” he rubbed his eyes and slipped a cigarette out from his pocket, “There are extra comforters in the closet if it gets too cold.”

Ugetsu grabbed a lighter for his cigarette, but before he could light it, Mafuyu tugged on his wrist to get his attention—his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he then asked, “Are you okay? You've smoked twice the amount than you do in an entire month.”

He stood there for a moment, staring down at the wooden floor tiles before pushing the lighter into his pocket and replying, “It's been a long day,” he held out his hand to do... _something_ —something he knew he had no right to do and pulled away, “Sleep well, Mafuyu.”

Taking the pills he had bought with him, Ugetsu went to his bedroom—the one room in the apartment that was bland and empty, only a small desk next to the bed cluttered with empty bottles and a single photograph to show that a person had actually been living in there.

He laid down on the bed, taking the cigarette back out and lighting it—watching as the smoke parted from his lips and rise to the ceiling.

A part of his mind still expected Akihiko to be there, to slip the cigarette out and press his lips against his, to lay down with him and wrap his arms around his body to help him stop trembling like he was now—for him to just be there and care for Ugetsu the way he hadn't done for himself in a long time.

But Akihiko hadn't been there in years and the absence of his body next to him while he slept was enough for him to wish his last sex partner had carried out with the fight and choked him on the kitchen floor until there was no chance of survival.

His head ached with that thought, and he slipped two pills from each bottle into his mouth, turning over on his side and letting the gentle hum of the heater in the other room ease him into a dreamless sleep.

Ugetsu's heart was racing when he woke up, cold sweat sticking his hair against his skin as he sat up in bed, trying to calm his breathing as his heart slowly returned to normal.

His muscles ached with every breath, and his brain was pounding out of his skull as he dragged himself out of bed and not bothering to turn on the light while he trudged into the kitchen (careful to not wake Mafuyu who had taken refuge on the sofa) and took a glass from the cabinet and filled it up with water.

He looked out the window while he drank, watching the snow dance in the sky around each other as they all fall to the ground, the layer of snow four times the amount it had been when he went to sleep.

A single vehicle passed on the road, the headlights lighting up the whole kitchen and that's when Ugetsu realised all other lights on the street, as well as his own, were off, save for the supermarket's ‘ _Sorry, we're closed!_ ’ sign.

_Damn that old couple_ , he thought to himself, resting his head against the counter—the cold surface comforting to his aching body. Frankly, if he didn't have a guest over, there would have been nothing stopping him from just allowing his body to pass out there.

(In the past, Ugetsu did that a lot. After coming back from out of city travels, he would sometimes be too exhausted to reach his bed and collapse on to the floor—either waking up to Akihiko carrying him to the bed or nudging him in the stomach with his foot and telling him that he'll sweep him up with the rest of the dirt.)

He smiled at the memory, but before he could enjoy it any more, he felt a hand grasp on to his shoulder and he jumped—the glass escaping from his hand and clinking against the sink as it fell—before recognising the familiar voice calling out his name.

“Why aren't you asleep?” Ugetsu asked, pulling himself up and looking over at Mafuyu—at his messy hair and eyes that shimmered with the natural light coming from outside.

“It was too cold and I couldn't sleep,” Mafuyu muttered, reaching his hand out to his forehead and continuing, “Murata, you're burning up. Do you need medicine?”

“No,” Ugetsu began, turning his head away from his hand, “It's just the painkillers I took. I'm fine, just tired.”

Having said that, Ugetsu felt the world spin around him and he gripped on to the counter for support, trying to make himself somewhat presentable and appear not at all on the verge of collapse. He _needed_ more medicine, to get rid of the shaking of his body and the darkening of his vision, but taking more now would be detrimental.

“You should sit down.” Mafuyu pointed out, pressing his hand against Ugetsu's back and guiding him to the sitting room, him promptly falling on top of the sofa that had been cushioned by comforters and pillows. In a different circumstance, he would have fallen asleep immediately upon touching the pillow.

There was ringing outside in the streets, Ugetsu could just barely hear it through the thin wall of his apartment. It was mechanical, no doubt, like the noise one would hear at a construction site. He tried to listen closer, but his head pounded harder when he attempted to.

“It's the electric company,” Mafuyu said out of nowhere, startling him with his presence before handing Ugetsu a glass of water, “They've been working on the power lines for an hour now,” his face scrunched up with disappointment, “But still nothing.”

“Don't get your hopes up,” Ugetsu replied, sitting up to take a sip of the water, “The buildings here are ancient. The electricity will be out until the sun rises.”

A silence followed after that, a comfortable one with only the small noises of the machinery outside and the purring of Tsuki that slept between them.

Mafuyu soon began humming, humming the last song Ugetsu heard Given perform, the last song Given _ever_ performed together as a band.

“Do you still talk to him?” Ugetsu asked, before clarifying, “Uenoyama, I mean? It's been a long time since you broke up.”

Mafuyu was quiet for a moment—not quiet in a way that expresses sadness or anger, but a meaningful thought—and then replied, “I try to,” he looked outside the window, “He asks to copy my homework sometimes, but...we haven't talked to each other outside of that.”

“Do you miss him?”

“...I'm not sure.”

Mafuyu brought his knees up to his chest and continued, “We were together for so long, and I was so sad when it ended, but...not even the music could save our relationship after that. And besides,” he turned to face Ugetsu, smiling a smile that was both painful and genuine, “I have people like you in my life now, don't I?”

“Yes,” Ugetsu smiled back at him, setting his glass down when Mafuyu yawned to hand him a pillow to get comfortable with, “Yes, I suppose you do.”

The sun was blazing heat on the snow that next morning. Mafuyu and Ugetsu had fallen asleep the way they were—one's shoulder and the other's head being used as their pillows, and Tsuki finding herself comfortable sprawled out on their laps.

It was early in the morning when they woke up, and both of them were too tired to make much of a conversation while Mafuyu gathered his belongings hastily to make it to the first bus stop in time, concerned that his mother was worried about him when he didn't call her before the storm.

Mafuyu left, and a new stinging ached through Ugetsu's heart. There were things he wanted and things he needed, and he did not know where this one lied.

**Author's Note:**

> i've never written for given before, and i really wanted to just try it out. the ship tag for these two were barren so i literally had nothing to work with, so i am Sorry. but i do hope you enjoyed.
> 
> follow me on my twitter [here](https://mobile.twitter.com/lyilenor)


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